Letter to the 'ET-ditor'...

I am Writing this with the realization that in an age when the average human-memory is analogous to that of a computer with the following configuration

2010 Intel® Core™ i3-330M 2.13GHz (3M cache)
4GB Shared Dual Channel DDR3 at 1066MHz
320GB SATA Hard Drive (7200RPM)
source: DELL Online store

mine still resembles an,

Intel Pentium I 166MHz
16MB RAM (Post up-gradation prior to which it was 8MB)
and a 1.92GB Hard Drive
source: Siddharth Tiwari's first computer, which was bought in early 1997,circa.

Another ingenious and truly preposterous realization followed the first one. If ,and in all probability, you are sensible, humour me on this. Maybe, I had a 'close encounter of the third kind'. An encounter which left me with a crippling memory disorder due to the following reasons

a) The aliens who abducted me decided to zap my memory of them, but went overboard with the operation.

b) When the aliens dropped me from their space-ship, I fell headfirst which caused heavy ,yet invisible, head injuries.

I am going ahead with the presumption that the aliens screwed up big time and hence what follows is a genuine grievance addressed to the editor of the Extra-terrestrial Times'.

Dear Editor

I know, you are probably wondering how a lowly earth-ling like me can deny u your due respect by using the salutation 'dear'. But, be assured the sad premise on which this letter has been written and my own efforts towards the establishment of inter-galactic harmony , my actions are justifiable. So let me begin

May I know why of all the beings who dwell on the earth you had to choose me for your experiments. I do not possess,rather, did not possess, the wealth of knowledge or the physical maturity which are reminiscent of an adult human being.After all I was just a 15 year old kid going about his usual business of studying and discovering a fantastic new world. My analysis wouldn't have been rewarding or conducive to your ongoing study of my, rather unfortunate, planet. My brain wasn't a dictionary, so prowess in languages is ruled out. Nor was it an encyclopaedia of science which could have given you an overview of our technological capabilities. Which, by the way, are way inferior to yours. You made it to us when we haven't as much as launched an ant beyond the solar system. Assuming that it was small (due to the aforementioned age) and developing, it would have failed to satiate your appetite. The fact that it is still in its place is a testimony to that.

So, that begs a question Mr. Alien editor. Why choose me? Is it because I was watching too many movies on the theme of your existence? Or Was it because my kind dared to question it? Or was it because I was too tall for my age and you mistook me for a fully grown Homo Sapien? If it was the latter then trust me, I am going to sue you guys and drag you people by your asses up to which ever court of law you adhere to.

If it was the former then I'll be surprised. Guys! the freedom of speech and art is universal. You've got to be a little sportive. You could have just sent a gentle reminder to not portray u people as the antagonists. We, on earth do it all the time. Offend each other on religious, philosophical and all god-forsaken grounds, then, indulge in a little scuffle and reconcile eventually. Don't tell me you did send one to Spielberg who then made ET. If you did, then let me tell you that he didn't bother sharing it with anybody. Here on earth all of us are busy with our own lives and no matter how many 'sugary' alien movies he or anybody else makes the message won't get into our heads. So do something which is impressive and catchy.

Kidnapping 'small boys and trying things on them' is not going to get you much attention and in any case if it does, it portrays a sick psyche. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you.

Well, you experimented on my brain, I can understand and probably forgive you for that. But, why screw up while erasing my memory? and with all your advanced technology you couldn't give me a decent landing? Do your heads have better cushioning than you bottoms? You see,Here in our world we prefer landing on our back-sides.

By the way, you forgot to leave any marks on me which certifies that I was a test subject. Don't you keep a record of such things? You could have just stamped my butt with your lips. Hell, it is never too late, you could do it now.

Loads of shit and muck
sid

PS: I was pissed, feeling miserable because of my current disposition and these thoughts cropped up in my head. I know it isn't funny, maybe a tad disturbing too. Sometimes, I just can't help thinking how different life would have been if a few things could be tweaked a little bit back when I was 16 or 17....

...No offenses, Mr. Spielberg ;)