Letter to the 'ET-ditor'...

I am Writing this with the realization that in an age when the average human-memory is analogous to that of a computer with the following configuration

2010 Intel® Core™ i3-330M 2.13GHz (3M cache)
4GB Shared Dual Channel DDR3 at 1066MHz
320GB SATA Hard Drive (7200RPM)
source: DELL Online store

mine still resembles an,

Intel Pentium I 166MHz
16MB RAM (Post up-gradation prior to which it was 8MB)
and a 1.92GB Hard Drive
source: Siddharth Tiwari's first computer, which was bought in early 1997,circa.

Another ingenious and truly preposterous realization followed the first one. If ,and in all probability, you are sensible, humour me on this. Maybe, I had a 'close encounter of the third kind'. An encounter which left me with a crippling memory disorder due to the following reasons

a) The aliens who abducted me decided to zap my memory of them, but went overboard with the operation.

b) When the aliens dropped me from their space-ship, I fell headfirst which caused heavy ,yet invisible, head injuries.

I am going ahead with the presumption that the aliens screwed up big time and hence what follows is a genuine grievance addressed to the editor of the Extra-terrestrial Times'.

Dear Editor

I know, you are probably wondering how a lowly earth-ling like me can deny u your due respect by using the salutation 'dear'. But, be assured the sad premise on which this letter has been written and my own efforts towards the establishment of inter-galactic harmony , my actions are justifiable. So let me begin

May I know why of all the beings who dwell on the earth you had to choose me for your experiments. I do not possess,rather, did not possess, the wealth of knowledge or the physical maturity which are reminiscent of an adult human being.After all I was just a 15 year old kid going about his usual business of studying and discovering a fantastic new world. My analysis wouldn't have been rewarding or conducive to your ongoing study of my, rather unfortunate, planet. My brain wasn't a dictionary, so prowess in languages is ruled out. Nor was it an encyclopaedia of science which could have given you an overview of our technological capabilities. Which, by the way, are way inferior to yours. You made it to us when we haven't as much as launched an ant beyond the solar system. Assuming that it was small (due to the aforementioned age) and developing, it would have failed to satiate your appetite. The fact that it is still in its place is a testimony to that.

So, that begs a question Mr. Alien editor. Why choose me? Is it because I was watching too many movies on the theme of your existence? Or Was it because my kind dared to question it? Or was it because I was too tall for my age and you mistook me for a fully grown Homo Sapien? If it was the latter then trust me, I am going to sue you guys and drag you people by your asses up to which ever court of law you adhere to.

If it was the former then I'll be surprised. Guys! the freedom of speech and art is universal. You've got to be a little sportive. You could have just sent a gentle reminder to not portray u people as the antagonists. We, on earth do it all the time. Offend each other on religious, philosophical and all god-forsaken grounds, then, indulge in a little scuffle and reconcile eventually. Don't tell me you did send one to Spielberg who then made ET. If you did, then let me tell you that he didn't bother sharing it with anybody. Here on earth all of us are busy with our own lives and no matter how many 'sugary' alien movies he or anybody else makes the message won't get into our heads. So do something which is impressive and catchy.

Kidnapping 'small boys and trying things on them' is not going to get you much attention and in any case if it does, it portrays a sick psyche. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you.

Well, you experimented on my brain, I can understand and probably forgive you for that. But, why screw up while erasing my memory? and with all your advanced technology you couldn't give me a decent landing? Do your heads have better cushioning than you bottoms? You see,Here in our world we prefer landing on our back-sides.

By the way, you forgot to leave any marks on me which certifies that I was a test subject. Don't you keep a record of such things? You could have just stamped my butt with your lips. Hell, it is never too late, you could do it now.

Loads of shit and muck
sid

PS: I was pissed, feeling miserable because of my current disposition and these thoughts cropped up in my head. I know it isn't funny, maybe a tad disturbing too. Sometimes, I just can't help thinking how different life would have been if a few things could be tweaked a little bit back when I was 16 or 17....

...No offenses, Mr. Spielberg ;)

The question of 'Questions'...

Nowadays my head is full of questions, courtesy of the 20 minute walk from my room to the lab and back. These questions seem unrelated, at first, and center around my woes concerning my project, the absence of a job after graduation and the general lack of direction in my life. Then there are those borne of wishful thinking on my part. Questions like what I'll do once I become an established corporate?will I ever become one? or will I have the time to travel and indulge in my hobbies? and then there are those concerning my better half , If and when I find her, i.e., if I haven't already. :)

The one question that I ask myself repeatedly is "Will I ever grow up"? I am going to be 23 this year and there are times when I feel like a 15 year old trapped inside a man's body...

I rarely find answers to these questions. I guess, in a way I don't want to know them because at some level these answers are going to define the various stages of my life (Though, the one about me growing up is welcome :)..). Project, graduation, job, would-be corporate, traveling etc, all seem like part of some series, a natural, gradual progression.

I will be losing out on a lot of fun if I knew the answers. Now I wouldn't want that, would I? :)

PS : Another question : Am I the only lunatic around with such thoughts or there are equally crazy people populating the world?

The pack chasing Tiger.....

How the template was tossed...

I was bored and had nothing else to do so I changed my blog's template. Thereafter, for some god forsaken reason I started writing this poem (if u can call it one). It is full of errors and is meaningless but then I had fun writing it ,initially..... and then I got bored.. again..

How the Template was tossed...

There never was a bard as jobless as I
and gifted with humour pathetic and dry
Yet another attempt at poetry, the art of rhymes

but certainly not the last
For my lunacy grows as the clock ticks and chimes

This is the tale of a time when I was lost
deep in my myriad but chaotic thoughts
Waiting for a man whom I now call 'Boss'
This is the tale of how the 'template was tossed'

The day started ,like most days do..
with a burp, a snort and a fart that said 'poo'
which necessitated a quick visit to the loo
A brief chat on the phone was next and voila! my roommate was up too!!

A trip to the institute followed a quick bath
For my stomach was grumbling "Breakfast is what you shall Hath"
A quick-bite at the canteen and off I was to the lab
But there was no sign of the Boss
& thence I knew that the day shall be drab

And boy was I wrong, for my colleagues were on song
Unleashed in the absence of the boss, their tongues set wagging,
the mood was merry, one joke followed the other
& I was laughing like a mad man before long...

All the laughing had made me hungry
After all guffawoing does burn sizeable amounts of calories
And off, I was for supper
for history has never witnessed a bard working on a stomach that was empty

Back in the make shift 'Herot' that was my lab
My colleagues continued their mockery
of the ambiance, the society &
hell! they didn't even spare the neighbour's flab!

Gradually, the jokes became irregular and the laughter died
Unlike the perennial river my cheeriness too dried
& I started my quest for a worthy task
which would keep me occupied

Nothing sensible, nor to trite
the task had to be useless
But with the right amount of spice!
Thence I turned to my blog, on this sad premise

There never was a place with more nonsensical rant
A tasteless layout and a cliche'd title added to its worthlessness
unsurprisingly followers, in numbers, were rather scant...

The template looked dreary and so did the content
the latter would remain untouched, so the former had to change
for change is on what I was rather hell bent!
So off went the old template with its yellowish hue
to be replaced by another which had some cream and some blue

The charm was retained as the blog lost none of it gloomy look
it'll be eons before that change comes through
for cheerful fables and stories I cannot cook
And now my day draws to an end
so should this tale of miserable proportions

So, unlike my initial thoughts, to boredom the day wasn't lost
My hunger for change satiated and a good laugh is what I got
and since I am out of words and thoughts,
let me end the tale of 'how the template was tossed...'