Letter to the 'ET-ditor'...

I am Writing this with the realization that in an age when the average human-memory is analogous to that of a computer with the following configuration

2010 Intel® Core™ i3-330M 2.13GHz (3M cache)
4GB Shared Dual Channel DDR3 at 1066MHz
320GB SATA Hard Drive (7200RPM)
source: DELL Online store

mine still resembles an,

Intel Pentium I 166MHz
16MB RAM (Post up-gradation prior to which it was 8MB)
and a 1.92GB Hard Drive
source: Siddharth Tiwari's first computer, which was bought in early 1997,circa.

Another ingenious and truly preposterous realization followed the first one. If ,and in all probability, you are sensible, humour me on this. Maybe, I had a 'close encounter of the third kind'. An encounter which left me with a crippling memory disorder due to the following reasons

a) The aliens who abducted me decided to zap my memory of them, but went overboard with the operation.

b) When the aliens dropped me from their space-ship, I fell headfirst which caused heavy ,yet invisible, head injuries.

I am going ahead with the presumption that the aliens screwed up big time and hence what follows is a genuine grievance addressed to the editor of the Extra-terrestrial Times'.

Dear Editor

I know, you are probably wondering how a lowly earth-ling like me can deny u your due respect by using the salutation 'dear'. But, be assured the sad premise on which this letter has been written and my own efforts towards the establishment of inter-galactic harmony , my actions are justifiable. So let me begin

May I know why of all the beings who dwell on the earth you had to choose me for your experiments. I do not possess,rather, did not possess, the wealth of knowledge or the physical maturity which are reminiscent of an adult human being.After all I was just a 15 year old kid going about his usual business of studying and discovering a fantastic new world. My analysis wouldn't have been rewarding or conducive to your ongoing study of my, rather unfortunate, planet. My brain wasn't a dictionary, so prowess in languages is ruled out. Nor was it an encyclopaedia of science which could have given you an overview of our technological capabilities. Which, by the way, are way inferior to yours. You made it to us when we haven't as much as launched an ant beyond the solar system. Assuming that it was small (due to the aforementioned age) and developing, it would have failed to satiate your appetite. The fact that it is still in its place is a testimony to that.

So, that begs a question Mr. Alien editor. Why choose me? Is it because I was watching too many movies on the theme of your existence? Or Was it because my kind dared to question it? Or was it because I was too tall for my age and you mistook me for a fully grown Homo Sapien? If it was the latter then trust me, I am going to sue you guys and drag you people by your asses up to which ever court of law you adhere to.

If it was the former then I'll be surprised. Guys! the freedom of speech and art is universal. You've got to be a little sportive. You could have just sent a gentle reminder to not portray u people as the antagonists. We, on earth do it all the time. Offend each other on religious, philosophical and all god-forsaken grounds, then, indulge in a little scuffle and reconcile eventually. Don't tell me you did send one to Spielberg who then made ET. If you did, then let me tell you that he didn't bother sharing it with anybody. Here on earth all of us are busy with our own lives and no matter how many 'sugary' alien movies he or anybody else makes the message won't get into our heads. So do something which is impressive and catchy.

Kidnapping 'small boys and trying things on them' is not going to get you much attention and in any case if it does, it portrays a sick psyche. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you.

Well, you experimented on my brain, I can understand and probably forgive you for that. But, why screw up while erasing my memory? and with all your advanced technology you couldn't give me a decent landing? Do your heads have better cushioning than you bottoms? You see,Here in our world we prefer landing on our back-sides.

By the way, you forgot to leave any marks on me which certifies that I was a test subject. Don't you keep a record of such things? You could have just stamped my butt with your lips. Hell, it is never too late, you could do it now.

Loads of shit and muck
sid

PS: I was pissed, feeling miserable because of my current disposition and these thoughts cropped up in my head. I know it isn't funny, maybe a tad disturbing too. Sometimes, I just can't help thinking how different life would have been if a few things could be tweaked a little bit back when I was 16 or 17....

...No offenses, Mr. Spielberg ;)

The question of 'Questions'...

Nowadays my head is full of questions, courtesy of the 20 minute walk from my room to the lab and back. These questions seem unrelated, at first, and center around my woes concerning my project, the absence of a job after graduation and the general lack of direction in my life. Then there are those borne of wishful thinking on my part. Questions like what I'll do once I become an established corporate?will I ever become one? or will I have the time to travel and indulge in my hobbies? and then there are those concerning my better half , If and when I find her, i.e., if I haven't already. :)

The one question that I ask myself repeatedly is "Will I ever grow up"? I am going to be 23 this year and there are times when I feel like a 15 year old trapped inside a man's body...

I rarely find answers to these questions. I guess, in a way I don't want to know them because at some level these answers are going to define the various stages of my life (Though, the one about me growing up is welcome :)..). Project, graduation, job, would-be corporate, traveling etc, all seem like part of some series, a natural, gradual progression.

I will be losing out on a lot of fun if I knew the answers. Now I wouldn't want that, would I? :)

PS : Another question : Am I the only lunatic around with such thoughts or there are equally crazy people populating the world?

The pack chasing Tiger.....

How the template was tossed...

I was bored and had nothing else to do so I changed my blog's template. Thereafter, for some god forsaken reason I started writing this poem (if u can call it one). It is full of errors and is meaningless but then I had fun writing it ,initially..... and then I got bored.. again..

How the Template was tossed...

There never was a bard as jobless as I
and gifted with humour pathetic and dry
Yet another attempt at poetry, the art of rhymes

but certainly not the last
For my lunacy grows as the clock ticks and chimes

This is the tale of a time when I was lost
deep in my myriad but chaotic thoughts
Waiting for a man whom I now call 'Boss'
This is the tale of how the 'template was tossed'

The day started ,like most days do..
with a burp, a snort and a fart that said 'poo'
which necessitated a quick visit to the loo
A brief chat on the phone was next and voila! my roommate was up too!!

A trip to the institute followed a quick bath
For my stomach was grumbling "Breakfast is what you shall Hath"
A quick-bite at the canteen and off I was to the lab
But there was no sign of the Boss
& thence I knew that the day shall be drab

And boy was I wrong, for my colleagues were on song
Unleashed in the absence of the boss, their tongues set wagging,
the mood was merry, one joke followed the other
& I was laughing like a mad man before long...

All the laughing had made me hungry
After all guffawoing does burn sizeable amounts of calories
And off, I was for supper
for history has never witnessed a bard working on a stomach that was empty

Back in the make shift 'Herot' that was my lab
My colleagues continued their mockery
of the ambiance, the society &
hell! they didn't even spare the neighbour's flab!

Gradually, the jokes became irregular and the laughter died
Unlike the perennial river my cheeriness too dried
& I started my quest for a worthy task
which would keep me occupied

Nothing sensible, nor to trite
the task had to be useless
But with the right amount of spice!
Thence I turned to my blog, on this sad premise

There never was a place with more nonsensical rant
A tasteless layout and a cliche'd title added to its worthlessness
unsurprisingly followers, in numbers, were rather scant...

The template looked dreary and so did the content
the latter would remain untouched, so the former had to change
for change is on what I was rather hell bent!
So off went the old template with its yellowish hue
to be replaced by another which had some cream and some blue

The charm was retained as the blog lost none of it gloomy look
it'll be eons before that change comes through
for cheerful fables and stories I cannot cook
And now my day draws to an end
so should this tale of miserable proportions

So, unlike my initial thoughts, to boredom the day wasn't lost
My hunger for change satiated and a good laugh is what I got
and since I am out of words and thoughts,
let me end the tale of 'how the template was tossed...'

I apologize....

There are times when I feel ashamed of being a guy. Of belonging to a species which prides itself for its cheap indulgences - butt-slapping, groping (deliberately) and the like. Having been brought up by a single mother and under the affection of my grandparents, I cannot understand what kind of pleasure, members of MY (rather unfortunate) clan derive from the aforementioned "activities".

A long time ago, my mother had spoken to me about the times she had to rely on the public transport system to travel to and from her college. Back then too, such incidents were commonplace. Times have changed. We now live in a society labelled -"sophisticated". Can't say much about the society but the term can definitely be avoided to describe us 'men'. Our tastes haven't changed at all. Nor has our attitude towards women or anybody infact for that matter. We continue to be the quintessential egomaniacs who believe that they own the world and have the right to control anything and everything in its confines.

The saying "The world is our urinal" is attributed to men and it is true both literally and figuratively.

Respect was a word absent from a Man's dictionary in the past . Especially for women. Unfortunately, it hasn't been revised and he continues to turn a blind eye towards the progress that women have made through generatons to become what they are now. Independent, free-thinking and with a no-nonsense attitude. If not for their inherent nature to endure pain, physical and emotional, they would have left men to suffer at their own hands.
Yes, suffering is all that men will undergo if left to fend for themselves because they are essentially destructive by nature and they need their mothers, wives, sisters to stay sane.

I strongly believe that men are the weaker sex and it is high time most of us realise that. I know my saying so isn't going to make a difference to anybody. The world will continue to function the same way. Men are going to continue ill-treating women, the way they did when my mother's generation was in college and the way they treat my friends now.

I wish most of us could just understand what it feels like to be humiliated and violated just because physically, you are a shade inferior than the rest. All that we need to do is respect women. I don't think such a simple thing is difficult to understand or practice.

I don't know why this post shaped out like this ,when it was an apology to begin with. I guess I have seen and heard about too many incidents where women have not been given their due respect just because of the fact that they are women. It has happened with two of my friends now and I just felt like extending my apologies to them and all the other women who have suffered due to eve teasing.

I wish I could stay that it will eventually stop but I, as well as you all, know it won't....

p.s. : Amongst the guys , a few of us are good too. So, if and when u take over the world in a grand coup please don't kick our asses!!! :-)

.........

I key in the last few words of my final report and with each keystroke I feel an emptiness grow within me. Funny, my last post was all about how this place had heightened my confusion on choosing the right career and here I am feeling pathetic about leaving the same place.

It is one of those moments in my life when everything seems to come to a standstill. Its as if life is saying "look back on this experience and make a note of everything that has led to this point and do so honestly with because u'll cherish every moment ,whether good or bad ". It is on moments like these when I feel happiness and sadness at the same time without a hint of confusion which otherwise plagues every waking moment of my life (Guess I am too sleepy to understand what is going on in the pea-sized brain that possess while I am asleep).

I am going to miss this place. Not for the people, Not for the work but just because here, there were times when I felt good about myself and sadly the place I am going to doesn't invoke such feelings....

P.S : I guess this entry is filled with typos and grammatical errors. I just wrote whatever came to my mind without giving much thought to the 'thoughts'....

To be or not to be...

It is funny how sometimes things we feel will lend some semblence, some meaning to our existence and give directions to our otherwise wayward life just veer it further off its course. There are times when I envy the ant who never faces this problem. It never loses sight (or whatever sense directs it) of its goal which may be a lump of sugar or a grain of rice.

I was under the impression that at the end of my 2 month stint at IISc there will be light at the end of the long dark tunnel that my academic journey has been. That, by the end of 2 months I'll know where my 'interests' lie. The question -"What am I passionate about?" will have an answer.

Well, I dont see a light, have no answer and the road in the darkness of the tunnel seems never ending. Infact , I seem to have reached a fork ,some sort of bifurcation into 2 paths and i am equally apprehensive about taking either of them.

One path leads to a place full of unceratinities and taking it would mean that I leave and forget about everything that i have done till now. Taking this road will mean starting right from scratch. That poses another question - Do I have the time and luxury of doing that? As always I don't have the answer.....

Taking the other path will mean that I stick to what I am doing right now. Which, quite frankly, feels more like a 'chore' at the moment. I am not very fond of the work I am doing right now nor do I see any change in this notion in the foreseeable future. Infact with each passing day I seem to be growing averse to it and I wont be surprised if one day I wake up ,a failure, and a small voice inside me says "I don't care". So this alternative doesn't seem too attractive either....

Time is running out and I need answers.... Should I take up research and become a lousy scientist or dive into uncharted seas. The million dollar question is 'to be or not to be'?

A few things are keeping me from going insane - Friends and family, Faith in something fundamental/unchanging , Someone very very special who knowingly or unknowingly keeps instilling in me the importance and value of life through words/actions and in whose company I truly understand what it means to be alive :-)